The Silence of Frustration

05/02/08 Living Well

The frustration of diabetes amounts to an almost daily emotional implosion, which is unfortunately often coupled with a self-imposed mutism. Self-care is constant negotiation and striking a deal becomes a mixed blessing. Certainly it’s wonderful to arrive there, but even though you know it’s temporary, you never want the time to end. Inevitably it does, and that feeling is a swift kick to the gut, followed by the mounting frustration of having to re-barter with your body. At this point, who is willing or interested in speaking about what’s wrong and what should be done next, when all anyone wants to do is move along, and hopefully find a respite from the juggling?

I never say to anyone but my wife, “My sugar level is off and I don’t know what to do.” Why? First, most people are not informed enough about diabetes to understand the significance of such a statement. Most would hear such and assume a medical emergency is at hand. When I’m not promptly whisked away in an ambulance, many would openly wonder what I was going on about. Second, who beyond my wife actually wants to have the conversation associated with such an opener? No one’s thinking, Please, oh please, let me engage my diseased and angry friend about his chronic condition that I know relatively nothing about. The dual struggle is obvious, as is why it is so silent.

How couldn’t it be? Some days you just can’t get it right, no matter how hard you try. And even if you could air your frustration to a room filled with empathetic friends and family, some days there just isn’t the energy to do so. Frustration is an emotional drain than only adds to to the very physical ailments of poor glucose levels. 

Therefore, it suffices to say that the challenge of staying even-keeled while living with diabetes extends beyond the tangible realm of medicine and meters. Frustration is an inability to articulate or instigate one’s desire. Diabetes by its very nature hampers many daily functions, and because of this we feel dual pain.

Eric Devine, 30, has lived with type 1 diabetes since he was 12. He lives in upstate New York with his wife and two daughters where he works as a high school English teacher. Devine is an avid writer and is currently seeking publication of two Young Adult novel manuscripts.