Explanation

07/09/08 Type I Diabetes or Juvenile Diabetes

I fiddled with my insulin pump, checking the status and then bolusing. I returned the device to its holster and then looked up. My daughter stood before me, obviously having taken in my actions, her face brimming with question. “Daddy, why do you need a pump?”

It does not matter how many times she asks this, I still feel pained, because I am exposed and weak. As the father of two young girls I am part superhero, brandishing bravery in the face of lurking monsters and dangling spiders. My pump and my superhero status do not mix, so the explanation of my sidekick had better be good.

“Because daddy has a disease. Remember?”

Her face twisted to vague comprehension. “A disease?”

“Yes, diabetes.”

“Di-a-bee-tees. What’s that?”

How do you make this clear to a three-and-a-half-year-old? “You know how in your body there are organs?”

“Like the heart and liver?”

“Right. Well, there’s also the pancreas, and it makes medicine we need.”

Her face clouded. “Where is it?”

I determined the area on my abdomen and indicated it to her. Recently she’d been to a “Journey of the Body” exhibit, and I could tell that the oversized images were flooding back. She nodded, affirming that I could continue.

“Well, sometimes the pancreas stops working and then the body doesn’t get its medicine.  That’s what happened to me.”

There was a moment where she mulled this over and my wife crossed through the room, her eyes wide with apprehension. Obviously she’s heard our conversation and was concerned my explanation could go wrong. As was I. Fortunately, it didn’t.

“That’s why you have the pump.”

I smiled. “Right.”

“It gives you the medicine.”

“Exactly.”

Her face screwed into a knot. “But why couldn’t the doctors just fix your pancreas?”

My insides practically melted. This is the one unspoken question we are all asking, but are afraid to admit.

“They don’t know how, honey, so this is the next best thing.”

My daughter took in my pump for a moment and then looked up at me.

“I’m glad you have the pump, daddy.”

“Me too.”

She scampered away and on to the next adventure in her little world, and I watched her for a while. I don’t know if my answer will stay or how many times in the future I will have to refine it. For now, she seems settled. Her superhero dad still exists, ready, willing, and able to defend her at a moment’s notice. I will just do so with a little device at my side.

Eric Devine, 30, has lived with type 1 diabetes since he was 12. He lives in upstate New York with his wife and two daughters where he works as a high school English teacher. Devine is an avid writer and is currently seeking publication of two Young Adult novel manuscripts.